Hey everybody, what's up? (seriously, what's up? if anyone wants to talk to me about anything, or like, whatever... just email me!)

I just thought I'd fill you all in on what's going on with me and school lately. It's kinda been a hate-hate relationship this year, which is a bit unusual for me.

A while back, I decided to write down all the reasons that I hate school. I ended up writing like, 4 full pages of explanation. It was pretty intense. Basically, here's what I determined:

I am afraid of school. Because
a. I am exhausted whenever I'm at school, because I am sleep-deprived because of 1. waking up early 2. bad time management, causing me to have to stay up late to get work done 3. Even when I get all my work done early, I stay up late just so I can actually spend some quiet time doing things I like to do, like write.
b. The noise and rush of school. I hate being in a rush, I'm always scared of forgetting something or not being fast enough (aka late for class) and the noise just gives me headaches and bugs me.
c. The rules. Those scare me because I never know when I might break one and get in trouble and cause conflict. Conflict makes me want to crawl in a hole and cry, even when it's not about me. I don't even really know all my school's rules, and the ones I do know, I don't always follow. Probably cuz I dont respect the rule-makers.
d. I usually don't do my homework anymore, cuz I go home and I'm too stressed to focus. That means I'm always afraid of getting in trouble for not doing my assignments, basically.
e. I'm afraid of getting bad grades. I've never gotten anything but A's for semester grades, and I know that B's and even C's aren't that bad, but I'm afraid of not getting into the college I want to or not getting scholarships.
f. I'm afraid of being lied to. A few times, i've been discussing what I learned in school with adults and they've shown me that what I learned is wrong. I think that's pretty much the most terrible thing that could be happening in any school system. How are we supposed to know if we're being lied to? It's awful. Like, nightmare material for me.

Then, apart from all the school stuff, I'm afraid that people will think I'm lazy and a slacker and just making excuses why I don't wanna work. I really do want to work hard and learn, I just have no motivation to do my assignments. I dont even get it really.

Another little thing is that I feel like the majority of my teachers don't really care about me or my education, and the majority of the students obviously don't care about me cuz they don't even know me. My friends at school care about me but because of the stress and high demands of school, it's pretty much every man for himself. We don't have time to help each other out or just talk. (Teachers will tell us to do that on out own time. Do they realize that because of the homework they assign, we don't have time of our own at all?)

So that's most of it I think. I don't know if I'll be able to make it to finals at all, just cuz the thought of going back to school in two days makes me feel sick. I've considered homeschool before, and I guess I still am, but I don't really know anything about it so that's kinda scary too. PSEO next year is basically the plan, cuz then I'll get college credits done and be able to get away from high school. The only reason I haven't totally decided to do homeschool is because I'd miss my school friends a lot.

Sorry this wasn't very encouraging or informational, but now instead of explaining this multiple times I can just refer people to this post.


2 Timothy 1:7 "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love, and of self-discipline."