How cruel is the world!
How full of deceitfulness and hatred,
that causes my soul to agonize,
and my spirit to thrash helplessly
in an ocean of fear.
I weep as the Lord weeps,
for that has been my request to him.
But I in my selfishness
cannot even be content to mourn for those
who do not know what they are celebrating.
My tears lead to judgement.
Instead of mourning them, I scoff.
Instead of loving or guiding, I hate.
I become the hate that I see.
My soul shuts itself off from love, from its provision,
from it's Provider,
because I cannot believe that he would actually listen
when I complain.
when I knowingly disobey.
when I try to be a judge in my own mind.
Oh, then I weep because I am weeping!
I mourn because there is reason for despair.
I am in anguish because through my own fault,
I have driven the Lord from my heart.
Why can't I hear from someone trustworthy?
Is there no one with all the answers?
Is there nowhere I can turn without questioning?
Without questioning...
and without isolating my spirit from hope.
So now I must turn my heart back,
back to the place from whence it came.
I retreat
within the trustworthy shelter of my Lord's arms.
He whispers truth to me,
I need not validate it.
He whispers love to me,
I need not be wary of it.
He whispers life to me,
I need not contain it inside myself.
