Trust God.

Proverbs 3:5

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.

I know that verse by heart. It's the verse that is most often found running through my head, possibly because it's inscribed on the ring that I wear every day. I find a lot of comfort in this verse, because it reminds me daily to surrender to God and let Him work through me. Still, there are some things I can't seem to give up.

I have some really big trust issues. I never really thought of them in those terms, but that's what they are I suppose. The first one is that I don't tell people the truth about myself. I doubt I'm the only one who, when asked how you are, automatically responds "good" every time. And if I'm having trouble with something, I very rarely ask for help. Relying on other people is not something that I consider necessary, or even helpful. I think in my head I know it's a good thing to do, but maybe I just don't like to take the time. It's too difficult. But as sung by Sanctus Real-

Oh, Oh, We need each other through all the highs and lows.

Oh, Oh, We need each other, 'cause no one's meant to be alone.

We were made in such a way that we can help and comfort each other. God definitely didn't create us to be independent beings. Relationships play a big part in life, growth, and faith. I need to learn to lean on people sometimes, and occasionally ask people to help me, rather than only helping others.

The second thing, because of what the first was, is really hard to talk about. But I'm just gonna go for it- I'm afraid of forever. Like, paralyzing, consuming fear. Not heaven, and not dying, but the whole concept of forever. I don't understand it in the least, which is why I struggle so much. Most things are easy to trust God with because I know how they can work out, and what to expect, but when it comes to this- COMPLETE trusting, because there's no way I can possibly understand it- I fail. Usually this fear hits me worst at night. Not every night, but when I'm thinking about heaven and Jesus being with me and all that. Then the fear of eternity comes in, and it keeps me awake until I distract myself with something else. All I can think of with the word "forever" or "eternity" is myself (my consciousness) never ending. Going on and on and on... I feel trapped. And I wish I could get rid of this feeling, and just leave it to God like I do with so many things, but I can't seem to do it. It's like being in big, pitch black room, standing on the edge of a cliff, with God telling me to jump. But how could he possibly catch me? He's not even there, it's all just darkness! That's sort of a depressing metaphor, and I know God IS always there, but it doesn't always feel like it. I also feel like I'm insulting him by not trusting that he's more powerful than time. My brain knows that, because obviously God is all powerful, but I don't understand, and my heart certainly doesn't have a lot of faith in this area. Well, that's about all I have to say about that.

The bible however, says a lot more about trust. I think a verse that would describe me is Job 8:14- "What he trusts in is fragile; what he relies on is a spider's web." I'm trusting in myself, which will never work. I can't find hope and healing inside me, it must come from God.

Psalm 9:10

"Those who know your name will trust in you,

for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you."

God does not desert us, he will never leave or let me fall out of his reach. We can't imagine a world without limits, but God CREATED limits. He is boundless and all-powerful. He's got the whole universe in his hands!

Psalm 37:4-6

Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the Lord, TRUST in Him and He will do this:

He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.

God repeatedly says not to worry. That's where trust comes in. We need to depend on Him, look to Him for comfort, and rest in God's peace- peace that doesn't depend on understanding anything- especially things that our minds simply cannot understand.

John 14:1 (Jesus speaking)

"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me."