Wherever I Fall

I REALLY hate decisions. When deciding what classes to take, what to spend my money on, if I should even spend my money, what sports I should be a part of, if I should even be a part of any sports... yeah. I'm terrible. It tends to take me weeks or even months to make decisions like that, and I change my mind like, a million times every day. Plus, I stress myself out about every little thing like it could change my entire life when really, it's not even a huge deal most of the time.

Well, I had a long and difficult conversation with a few friends last night about decisions that two of us were facing. For me, the specific decision was regarding whether to do TEC (teens encounter Christ, if you don't know what that is already, you should definitely ask me about it sometime) or a powerful women's choir called Bella Voce. My friends really made me think about who I'm doing these things for, where I could make a bigger impact, and which would be more rewarding for me.
I ended the conversation feeling pretty crappy. I didn't know how on earth I was going to choose. Even though technically I'd already chosen the choir, I felt like I would regret not choosing tec... I just felt hopeless and defeated. So, after praying about it, I did what I usually do when I'm feeling upset, sad, happy, stressed, thankful, or whatever- I listened to music.
As I was lying there on my bed, the song "By Your Side" by Tenth Avenue North came on. It begins- "Why are you striving these days?" I heard this and teared up. Why was I striving so much? When had the decision become too much for me to entrust God with? Then I caught the words in the chorus,"I'll be by your side, wherever you fall." At these words I literally gasped out loud and then started sobbing (which is normal for me when I realize something new about God. I gasp every time. weird? I think so.).
Anyways, before, whenever I heard the "wherever you fall" part, I always thought about how God will pick us up at any point in life. Whatever bad situation I've gotten into, he'll pick me up. But, in light of my current circumstances, I took the words to have a different meaning. "Wherever you fall." As in, wherever I end up in this decision. Whatever I choose to plop myself down in, Bella or TEC, God will be with me every step of the way. For some reason, I had been extremely concerned that one option would bring me closer to God, and one would pull me away from Him. I finally realized that all the pressure I had been putting myself was unnecessary, because God isn't going to leave me. I won't be making Him angry if I choose the "wrong" one. There isn't even really a wrong decision in this case, because my ultimate goal is to glorify God, and He knows that.

Another thing about last night- I asked God in my prayer journal, "Why do you keep giving me these tough decisions when you know I hate them so much?" This is similar to the common "Why does God let bad things happen?" question. And I learned the answer. God gave me this decision because He knew that through my struggle, I would grow that much more in my faith. In every hard decision I face, I find myself drawing nearer to God for comfort and guidance. So, basically, He knows what He's doing in my life. He will never let me fall.

Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a HOPE and a future."