Music and Mentality

   Today I was thinking, the bible says to guard your heart and only think about things that are pure, lovely, honorable, etc. I think those rules are for our benefit, and they apply to music more than we realize.
   A lot of music that's popular nowadays (and by "nowadays" I mean, for the last 90 years or so) is about conflict- in our minds, in our lives, with God, with unseen forces, with anything. It's about struggling, falling, failing, trying again, about how sinful we are, all the things we worry about, all the difficult questions of the world. Now, there's a place and time to think about those things, but don't you think it's a little unbalanced? With so many worrisome, pressing, stressful, troubling thoughts entering our minds via the music we listen to, we feel worried, stuck, stressed, and anxious. It makes sense when you look back at the verse that outlines the things we should think about. It includes things that could be troubling, like "whatever is noble" and "whatever is right" (for example, thinking about all the homeless and hopeless people in American cities and how we can help them) but MOSTLY the verse tells us to think about things that are pure, lovely, praiseworthy, excellent, true, and admirable. Maybe if more of the music we listened to was positive- pure and lovely, giving praise to the Creator and Sustainer, less focused on the problems we have- our hearts would be a little lighter, our minds a little calmer, our souls a little brighter. Who knows?
   I'm going to experiment with this a little bit. I'll listen to only really positive, upbeat, happy (but still good) music for a few days, and then take note of how I feel. Then I'll listen to my more "conflict" oriented music (more screaming, fast guitars, and cymbals) for a few days and notice how I'm feeling.
   I want to hear YOUR thoughts on this, especially if you've noticed something similar or experimented with the connection between mental states and music. 

Workcamp Testimony

This is my birthday present for Curt.

2 months ago, I went on a mission trip to West Virginia. This was my 4th mission trip. At each one, my crew has been assigned to paint a house, as well as do a few other odd jobs. The tradition this year continued along that same path, and my crew and I were assigned to paint the ceilings and outside walls of our resident's house.

Bea, as she told us to call her, was such a ray of sunshine in my week of workcamp. Widowed, living alone, and hardly English-speaking, Miss Bea was ecstatic to have the 6 of us to talk to for 5 days. We got to know her very well in that short time as she left her mark on our hearts.

Upon arriving at our worksite on Monday morning, my crew did what any good, rulebook-reading crew would do, and we knocked on the front (well more side/back) door to introduce ourselves to our resident. I knocked on the door, not knowing what to expect, and I hear a crazy sounding, "ahhhh!" from inside. The door opened and, casting a wary glance back at my crew, stepped inside the dark doorway.

Facing me was a 5 foot tall Thai woman, her thinning hair all tied up on top of her head, looking not very happy but definitely not upset to see us. She shook our hands, gave hugs to the youngest 3 on our crew, and repeated "Welcome, welcome honey, hi, hi" and other various greetings. She had a thick accent, which we later discovered came from Thailand, where Bea lived until the age of 18 when she traveled to America as a young bride. After greeting us, Bea proceeded to give us a tour of her small but charming house, which was full of pictures and posters and figurines.
   We started painting, and didn't see much of Bea at all that day.  She sat in her chair watching tv all morning until her nurse, Linda, came. In talking to Linda throughout the afternoon, my crew leader discovered that Bea wasn't feeling well.  Before we left, we asked her if we could pray for her. She nodded and said "yes" in a small voice, so we all joined hands and prayed that Bea's sickness would leave. She thanked us for coming and we told her we'd be back the next morning.
   Each day after that, Bea got more and more outgoing (crazy) and more excited that we were there.  On Wednesday she ran/hobbled quickly out to see us when we drove up, giving us all hugs and holding our hands as we walked inside. She walked around us as we worked, commenting on how good everything was looking, as well as telling stories about her life.  Her house is surrounded by flowers that her husband planted before he died- literally hundreds of plants- making it ideal for all sorts of wasps, yellow jackets, and hornets. We were told that once, Bea was looking for something under her "shed" out back (2 boards propped against the house) but what she found was a wasp nest. She said "they beat me that time!" and described that her whole head was swollen and she couldn't see anything for a few days. That experience however, seemed to have eliminated any fear of the critters. She would try to grap at wasps as they flew around her, and she told us repeatedly that they weren't going to hurt us.
   Before we started painting the outside of Bea's house, she saw us trying to reach the walls without stepping on any of her beautiful flowers.  She insisted that "it's okay, they come back next year!" and reiterated that point by stomping all over several lily plants, picking up the flowers and tearing them to shreds, smiling all the while. We couldn't help but laugh :)
   Another day, around lunch, Bea was showing one of the redshirts her flowers. "So pretty! For you!" Bea kept saying, handing the redshirt flowers. Then, as we were walking back to her house, she randomly started pulling up entire plants and ripping them apart! We looked at each other, then asked Bea what she was doing. "It's okay, they come back next year!"
   Bea cried on Friday, telling us to stay and that she loves us so much.  She didn't want to say good-bye to us in the afternoon, saying that she would just cry more. We got to pray with her and give her a quilt before we left.  She wrapped up in the quilt and told us with a smile that she would like a nap, which made us laugh again.
   Knowing Bea made the whole workcamp worthwhile.  Even if the rest of the trip was horrible (which it wasn't!) I would've thought it a good experience because of her. I laughed more that week than the rest of my summer combined, and I will always remember how happy we made Bea, and how happy she made us. :)

All About Everything

I love times like this when I can just write and write about whatever pops into my head. I hope it’s not meaningless to you:

  

Face life with wide eyes. Record everything in your mind, ponder things in your heart. That way you can see things as they are, realistically, but you can apply to them the mindset and mission of heaven. 

I think I’m in love. With the blue sky and his white hair and bright eyes. His dazzling smile is my favorite, but he only smiles at the morning birdsongs and the evening crickets. If I never see him again, I’ll never forget that smile. Even if I forget my own name and my heart forgets to beat. I think it’s important that you know that.

I could probably write a hundred poems about just one person, or about one sunset, or one beloved thinking place of mine, but it’s harder to write about someone you can’t see, but only feel and know and love. I think the only way to write things like that is with help from a certain friend who knows that certain someone. Sometimes he lets me think I could do it myself, though.

Germs don’t make me sick. Sometimes they make me ill I guess, but they don’t really make me sick. Words make me sick. Words like “slavery” (especially when preceded by words like “child”) and words like “abortion” and “divorce” and “orphan.” Sometimes they make me a little angry, but usually just sad. The bright side is the symptoms. In addition to occasional tears and frustration, symptoms of this sickness include compassion, motivation, empathy, dreaming, and planning. 

Why do all the flowers clam up when they see weeds next to them? You can’t simply stop growing roots in fear of getting in the way of the weeds! I think those beautiful flowers could do better if they’d just remember who they are. Even a thistle can bloom under the right conditions. I’ll pray for you, little flower. 

I wish I lived in Italy so I could drink coffee after every meal. We’d just sit and talk for hours during lunch break, and we wouldn’t worry about being stuck in rush hour or clocking in on time. I expect the music is phenomenal there as well. 

I like it when people let me look into their eyes. Sometimes I meet them there, but mostly I just learn what color their eyes are. 

  Butterflies must never get lonely. No one ever gets mad at them, and they’re pretty and quiet and don’t hold a grudge (even when you put them in cardboard boxes). They’re probably the most popular insect. If you make friends with a butterfly, you’ll never have to worry about being shunned by the insect community. 

  I think that I live a lot of my life with a dry spiritual perspective. I fill my head with knowledge of God, but my faith doesn’t grow in my heart. I put God in a box, and by doing so I put myself in a box. So often I think of dreaming and God as totally independent from each other. In doing so, I am creating a false god and putting the true God in a box. God is the source of all good things, all beautiful things, all comical things, and all adorable things. I miss out on a lot of the excitement of God by having such a narrow idea of what it means to follow Christ. He is passionate, powerful, and personal.

  So that’s how I like my coffee, how do you like yours?

“Let it go, 

Daisy let it go. 

This fallen world

doesn’t hold your interest,

it doesn’t hold your soul. 

Daisy let it go.”

-Daisy by Switchfoot

A Lament and a Psalm

How cruel is the world!
How full of deceitfulness and hatred,
that causes my soul to agonize,
and my spirit to thrash helplessly
in an ocean of fear.
I weep as the Lord weeps,
for that has been my request to him.
But I in my selfishness
cannot even be content to mourn for those
who do not know what they are celebrating.
My tears lead to judgement.
Instead of mourning them, I scoff.
Instead of loving or guiding, I hate.
I become the hate that I see.
My soul shuts itself off from love, from its provision,
from it's Provider,
because I cannot believe that he would actually listen
when I complain.
when I knowingly disobey.
when I try to be a judge in my own mind.
Oh, then I weep because I am weeping!
I mourn because there is reason for despair.
I am in anguish because through my own fault,
I have driven the Lord from my heart.
Why can't I hear from someone trustworthy?
Is there no one with all the answers?
Is there nowhere I can turn without questioning?
Without questioning...
and without isolating my spirit from hope.
So now I must turn my heart back,
back to the place from whence it came.
I retreat
within the trustworthy shelter of my Lord's arms.
He whispers truth to me,
I need not validate it.
He whispers love to me,
I need not be wary of it.
He whispers life to me,
I need not contain it inside myself.

Don't Worry, Be Happy :D

What we need to figure out here, is not so much "Why are we so sad?" but more, "How can we attain joy again?"
Possibly we have lost sight of what it means to have joy. We have forgotten that happiness is temporary and unfulfilling. We have forgotten that true joy comes only from God. We have chosen, most likely indirectly, to pursue happiness instead of God, instead of JOY.
We must shed the mindset of one who is a victim of fate or trapped in despair, and put on the armor of God. We must force ourselves (at first it will be by force, then by habit) to count our blessings, not our losses. To never be content with what we have here in this world, and yet to never desire more of what the world can give. We must eagerly desire the greater gifts, and pray continuously for such gifts. We must take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ. We must test every thought before it fully forms (before it enters our minds, or especially our hearts) and if it is a complaint, turn it into a healthy desire for improvement. If it is an expression of hopelessness, turn it into an acknowledgement of the ultimate hope we have in Christ. If it is a doubt, turn it into a question you will ask. If it is a fear, throw it away and instead choose a reminder of God's love for you. If it is a selfish thought expressing only hatred for an unchangeable circumstance, throw it away. Just leave it behind you. Who of us by worrying can add a single hour to our lives? And if the world hates you, remember that it hated your Savior first. Do not expect this world to be your home, and do not dwell on the fallen nature of things. Set your mind on things above. Whatever is right, true, lovely, pure, noble, excellent, praiseworthy... think about such things.
Immerse yourself with joyous thoughts, let each task the Lord sets before you be a chance to offer your gifts back to him. Make a decision to find joy in your life, but first decide that sadness is not worth it. Decide that you're not being fake by throwing away your sorrows, you're simply trusting God. You're not suppressing your feelings by choosing to constantly bear the fruit of joy, you're just refusing to mourn forever. You're just refusing to remain in self-centered sorrow for longer than it takes to realize that you either will or can't do anything about it. Choose to let God lead you out of the darkness and into the light. Your sorrows only last for the night, so why are you covering your eyes? The sun is rising in your heart, whether or not the world has actually improved. Don't waste time with complaints and regret. Your attitude should be like that of Jesus Christ. Yes, there is a time for weeping, but nothing should ever steal your joy.

Jesus loves you more than you know! Don't worry about anything, pray about everything! Jesus and I are here for you, be happy! :D

CAUTION: Read Slowly

When was the last time you walked slowly?
Not to go someplace you need to be,
but to find yourself in a place you didn't expect to be.
Unscheduled, unrehearsed, and uninterrupted.

When was the last time you opened your eyes,

not to look but to see.
To see the world more clearly than you could ever picture it in your mind.
To see the world as it really is,

rather than as you dream it to be,
and you discover that it's way more than you had dreamed.

When was the last time you looked at the clouds

not to check the weather, but to just watch the sky.
To admire the vastness of something so relatively small in the universe,
yet such an important piece of your existence.
Always close by, always out of reach, never quite the same.
Not based around hours and months,

but guided by the breath of God.

Live your life, not your calendar.

Stronger

So, it's been said many many times that trials reveal who we really are. Difficult times in life test our character and make us grow. Here are a few quotes (some of those "many many"s)-
"A crisis allows us the opportunity to dig deep into the reservoirs of our very being, to rise to levels of confidence, strength, and resolve that otherwise we didn't think we possessed."
"One who gains strength by overcoming obstacles possesses the only strength which can overcome adversity."
"I say that trials and tests locate a person. In other words they determine where you are spiritually. They reveal the true condition of your heart. How you react under pressure is how the real you reacts"
"Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you;
they're supposed to help you discover who you are."

I don't know why that last quote is so big. I copy and pasted... Anyways, I picked those quotes because they're supposed to be motivating and wise and everything, but mostly they've just made me sad. In my most difficult struggles, all I've been able to see is my weakness. When I'm having a tough time, motivation drops into nonexistence and nothing I say can make me feel strong. I've tried to feed myself strength by saying, "You just have to get through this. You don't have to enjoy it, just do your best," or, "You can't give up. There are no other options, so just get over it." But I could never digest my own advice.
So, step back with me for a moment to the past 2 years of my life. I would consider my struggles during this time to be the most difficult ones I've faced yet. Starting with the general stress of going from a K-8 school of 300 to a high school of 1500, then a case of mono during the winter, causing issues with my freshmen basketball season. In contrast, that spring and summer were some of the best in my life- I learned so much, and my personality and mindset changed a ton. Then the dreaded sophomore year- thousands of tears, procrastination at it's worst, anxiety, relational tension and spiritual conflict, to name a few.
During these times, I always looked, in trials, for the true magnitude of my inner strength to reveal itself and for myself to rise to the occasion and come out of the struggle even stronger than before. I had every intention of being strong and enduring my struggles with bravery. But as I said earlier, my attempts to awaken strength inside myself did no good. Instead, I continually found myself hopeless, burned out, weak, and with a poor attitude. I was so mad at myself. Why couldn't I just suck it up? Why did I let every little thing get to me? Why couldn't I have a better attitude? I assumed that I had this great inner strength, but even when I had nothing else left, it didn't appear. Not to say that God doesn't give me strength, because he definitely does (I'm still amazed that he gave me enough to make it through this past week of school), but I believe that God chose to reveal a different part of his character to me and through me in my trials. Here's something that I wrote down regarding my experience with trials:
"Pain and struggles reveal what's inside of us- our true character when everything is stripped away. What's left may not be what you expect or want. I wanted strength and bravery but instead received compassion, poetry, and a reverence for all things holy and beautiful. I wanted endurance, but instead I found eyes that see new opportunities all the time and a heart yearning to take them. For now, this is me. I have qualities to work with and qualities to work toward."
So, I'm learning that endurance is not one of my best qualities. But instead of beating myself up about it, I can focus on other qualities that I have been blessed with, and still find some way to exercise and grow the weaker qualities. It's all about not worrying, I suppose. Not worrying that I'm a wimp, or condemned to fail. There's not only 1 way for God to guide us through life. He might give someone hardcore determination so that they can face any conflict head on and bounce back from any blow, OR, he might give someone (like me) less of a knowledge of his own strength, but more of a knowledge of his sovereignty and a hope that everything will eventually be alright. Maybe his strength for me is more behind-the-scenes. I can't see it, but obviously it's still here because I'm still here. I can't feel it, but I can use what I do feel to strengthen others and create something that will glorify my Savior.
In our weakness he IS stronger... even if we can't tell. :)

Encountering Christ

This past weekend, I went to a weekend retreat called Teens Encounter Christ. It's my third time going to one of these TEC weekends, and I have to say, I think this last one made the biggest impact on me. I had been praying about the weekend a lot in the weeks leading up to it, and my heart was really open to whatever God had to say to me. I could feel God's peace and... sovereignty so clearly. He truly has all of us in the palm of his hand. TRULY, we don't have to worry about anything.
Here are some of the things that really sunk in for me this weekend:
1. Silence is so holy. It is a blank canvas for prayer. In silence, we can focus on the enormousness of God and worship him with our spirits. Your thoughts can travel so much farther and deeper when there isn't any noise to distract you. I used to hate silence, but now I think of it almost as just another type of music. I highly recommend sitting in silence for a while and seeing where God takes you. "Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- think about such things."
2. There's this skit called the Everything Skit. It's set to the music of "Everything" by Lifehouse, um... if that wasn't obvious. It portrays this beautiful story of a girl who starts out dancing with God, but gradually wanders farther and farther away, led by various temptations. Then suddenly she drops everything and runs with all her might towards God, at which point he starts fighting to get her back, and eventually steps in and takes all the beating from the "temptations." Anyways, this time, when I watched it, I could best relate to the moments when the girl is trying to fight all the demons in order to get back to God. I was distraught, because it was clear from the video that all of those demons/temptations were stronger than her. How can someone as weak and vulnerable as a teenage girl hope to fight her way through all the temptations in this world? But then I saw that as the girl was fighting to get back to God, he wasn't just sitting there. He was helping her the whole time, pulling her towards himself. Okay, so my conclusion was that most of our life is spent in that fight. We hardly get a single moment when all is right with the world, but God will give us the strength and endurance to fight, and we will come out as whole, glorious creations of God. So pray for strength rather than for your problems to go away, it's been working for me.
3. TEC is a great opportunity to make new friends and family and expand your community. When I leave tec, I shouldn't be sad because I will miss the family I had there, I should be excited because now I have so many new family members to get to know!
4. The last talk that you listen to at TEC is about going back into the world, and taking with you everything that you experienced. I cried the whole time, because the real world and I don't have the best relationship :P But I also really learned a lot from it. God can give me the strength to shine in a place where there's not a lot of light. I don't have to live like I've always lived, or the way my friends live. Today I was more outgoing than I've been in a long time, and nothing but good came from it. I actually tried to be respectful and considerate and not as self-focused. I feel like I'm headed for a good place. "Greater things have yet to come, and greater things are still to be done here."

Peace, love, and sunshine to all y'all :)

Kool-Aid and Blood on Your Hands

Ahem... well hello. It's been suggested that I write a new blog post, and seeing as it's been a while, I'll do just that.
I tie-dyed an apron today with kool-aid and vinegar. Still waiting to see the final result, it could be interesting. Anyway, I didn't use gloves, even though I knew my hands would be stained. Dumb. Sure enough, my right hand currently looks like a cross between a Cheeto and a really sunburnt hand. It was worth it though. My hand is like a battle scar from a war that I really believed needed to be fought. This war was just between my and my apron I suppose, but the metaphor rings true. What things in your life are worth fighting for? What would you be willing to dye your hands red for, metaphorically speaking? Would you put up with burnt arms to spend a day at the park with your little brother? Would you sacrifice your facebook time, TV time, and x-box time for your track team? Would you die for your friends?
Wait, did I say die?...
Yep. Pretty sure I did. "Greater love has no man than this- that he lay down his life for his friends." Do you love your friends so much that you would lay down your life for them? To be completely honest, I don't know if I could ever do that. Especially if I don't think they'd do it for me... seriously. I used to have a legitimate fear that I would be in a situation where I COULD take a bullet for someone, and I would have to choose. I don't worry about that so much these days, cuz if God brings me to it, I know he'll bring me through it. ;) Nevertheless, it's yet another opportunity to measure how much Jesus loves you and me.
I'm not going to outline the gory details of crucifixion to you now (besides, I think there's a pesky chain email that does it quite well...) but I'm sure you have an idea of how long and painful it was. But here's an interesting fact about the death of our Lord that I never really noticed- Jesus wasn't murdered. In John 19, verse 30, we are told, "When he had received the drink, Jesus said, "It is finished." With that, he bowed his head and gave up his spirit." He gave up his spirit willingly. It was because of our sins that he was on that cross, but he didn't have to die. For goodness sake, who are we to think we could possibly kill the Son of God (The God of the Angel Armies) anyway? No, we didn't kill Jesus, he truly was given a choice, and he chose to give up his spirit for our salvation. What an amazing gift. And because of his love, he desires for us to be willing to do the same (except not the same at all) for him- give up our lives. Wouldn't you want your friends to love you as much as you love them? It's not necessary for us to physically die in order to give up our lives though. Show Jesus how much you love him by giving everything you have, everything you are to him. He doesn't promise it'll be easy, but suffering on the cross wasn't easy either. It's your turn. Pick up your cross and follow him.

p.s. Jesus would catch a grenade for ya ;)

Just

I had choir rehearsal earlier tonight, during which my wonderful director was talking to us about phrasing and musicality and such, said something that struck me as a new concept:
"Don't ever just sing."
Don't ever JUST sing. Ever. You don't have to be a singer to know how often people JUST sing. We'll be walking around mindlessly singing the words to a song that is stuck in our head, or halfway singing along with the radio in the car. Even the church worship leaders do it sometimes- they've sung a particular song so many times that it loses meaning. The words aren't sung with any emotion or conviction anymore. They evoke no response from the singers or the listeners. The same thing happens with certain prayers, bible verses, blessings... sadly, it happens with a lot of things in church.
Not just church though. A lot of things in life become routine and mindless. We don't have any feeling in regards to many of our activities. I think that needs to change. Don't ever just sing. Don't ever just ____.
Teach
Learn
Play
Create
Eat
Give
Buy
Live
Do you get what I'm saying here? When a choir sings with a true idea of the lyrics, when they put emotion into their voices- the effect can move an audience to tears. Think about what would happen if you put that much feeling into everything you did (I don't think it would be too hard, let's face it, we're emotional beings). Let yourself feel. Be motivated by something. ANYTHING.
If you're going to study, study with a hunger for knowledge and understanding. If you're going to run, run to win. If you're going to donate money, do it because of passion for the cause, not obligation. If you're going to teach, teach in such a way that you convey all the emotion you feel for the subject. If you're going to eat, sleep, or receive any other gift, be THANKFUL.
Even with things that you don't choose to do- do them with a desire to grow and mature. Do your best, because you'll be stronger when it's over. They are the tasks you've been given, do them to glorify God.

I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"

"So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." 1 Corinthians 10:31

Thoughts on a Wednesday Night

You should know, I'm very energetic right now. This generally happens in the middle of the school week just around the time I should be heading to bed. I think that during times like these I just want to be heard. So, after loudly singing Veggie Tales songs to my family for a half hour, I decided blogging might be a better way to get my "voice" out there (don't worry if you don't actually read my blog- I'll never know and I'll still feel like someone is listening). I'm also blogging tonight because I haven't in a really really long time and I have SO MANY THOUGHTS stored up in my brain right now. I don't know that all of them are ready to share, but we'll see how it goes.

Thought Number One:

A person's personality never quite fits in with life. It's interesting, cuz we all have very different personalities, but we all struggle with some aspect of ourselves (like being really hyper when I should be sleepy). I think God made life so that it's not quite suited to what we want and need. That way we want and need HIM! It's pretty hard to make life go perfectly for you, Type A personality or not. Sometimes I think we need to accept that a situation just isn't gonna work out for us. Then again, determination is important. Ah, it's all a balance I guess. But what if the thing I'm bad at is balancing?? Agh! :)

Thought Number Two:

Jacob was reading from this book "The Heart of the Artist" on Monday at Whiteout rehearsal, and the author had some pretty good points about being an artist (go figure). He/She mentioned that to improve as an artist, we need to continue to experience and take in good art! I like that idea cuz I like art. I want to go to more concerts, art exhibits, dramas, whatever. Good art is so amazing. The author also said that we can experience art that isn't Christ- focused even if our area of art IS Christ-focused. It can still give us ideas on how to connect with an audience and try new methods, etc. So GO EXPERIENCE ART! (Oh, and invite me along please :D)

Thought Number Three:

I don't have a thought number three yet. So I'll improvise. Umm... why is life so busy? Do you ever wish you lived in a different time period? Which one? I wish I lived in the Depression Era, or in the early nineteenth century. Oh goodness... I can just feel someone reading this and starting to fall asleep, or wishing they could fall asleep. Sorry! I feel like all this writing is cliché and tacky. Blah :P

Thought Number Four:

Somehow I managed a fourth thought even after a lame improvised third! Okay- how do you decide who to be friends with? Not that there's a limit, but you know how there's those people who are just casual acquaintances and those people you're super close to? Why is that? The Bible tells Christians to love everyone, but I've been told that doesn't mean "be friends with everyone." I mean, some people would just never get along with me enough to be my friend! Can I still love them? Are you friends with people who are similar than you, or different? Or both?? If you're like me and you're friends with all sorts of different people, what's stopping you from befriending someone who you think is a little weird? What is your standard that you compare "weird" people to anyway? Yourself? Maybe it's YOU that's weird! Is there someone that you want to be friends with but you're not? Well get going!

Thought Number Five:

Last one, I promise. You should read The Message bible. It's really good.

"Those of us who are strong and able in the faith need to step in and lend a hand to those who falter, and not just do what is most convenient for us. Strength is for service, not status. Each one of us needs to look after the good of the people around us, asking ourselves, "How can I help?" Romans 15

If you read this entire thing, congrats! Oh, plus Jesus and I love you! And YOU'RE WORTH IT!

lots of agape love and hugs forever,

k (:

Valentine's Day EVERY DAY!

Hey Everyone!! Hopefully you all had a wonderful Valentine's Day. I know I did!
Holidays are always fun, I think we tend to put extra effort into being nice and making someone's day and appreciating our friends. I'm here to tell you that every day can be Valentine's Day! That's right, the fun doesn't have to start and end on February 14th!
Take a look at this verse:
““A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”” John 13:34-35
According to God, loving one another isn't just an extra thing you can do a few days a year. It's a COMMAND. Love should be a continuous thing. My prayer is that you all emanate God's love all the time! Todos los dias.
So what does it look like to emanate love? Well, a person who loves would be...
patient.
kind.
not jealous.
not boastful or proud.
not rude.
selfless.
even-tempered.
forgiving.
repulsed by evil.
excited about truth.
protective of loved ones.
trusting.
hopeful.
persevering.
That's a pretty extensive and radical list! Still, if we make an effort every day, with help from God and His people- we can live in a way that reflects every single one of those characteristics. The Holy Spirit is here to help us make loving choices. We have the Bible as a guidebook and encourager.
One psalm says to God- Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love. In this culture, it takes a lot for us to be satisfied, but God promises that once we drink his living water and eat his bread of life, we will be satisfied. If we are truly satisfied and saturated with agape love each morning, I think we have enough to last us and those around us through the day. Ask God to fill you with so much love that you can't help but give it away, and then praise him. When we praise God, we start to recognize how amazing he is, and since he IS love, we also start to realize how amazing love is, and how much love has been lavishly poured out on us. Then we can start the adventure of living life like it's Valentine's Day- taking the love we receive and radiating it.

By the way, the word love is mentioned 586 times in The Message and 686 times in the New International Bible (according to www.biblegateway.com) That's PLENTY of love to get us through every day of the year.

"So this is my prayer: that your love will flourish and that you will not only love much but well. Learn to love appropriately. You need to use your head and test your feelings so that your love is sincere and intelligent, not sentimental gush. Live a lover's life, circumspect and exemplary, a life Jesus will be proud of: bountiful in fruits from the soul, making Jesus Christ attractive to all, getting everyone involved in the glory and praise of God." Philippians 1:9-11 The Message

Show You Love

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day, so I want to talk about love.

How do you let people know that you love them?

I give them hugs.
I write on their facebook walls ;)
I smile when I see them.
I listen to them.
I make them cookies.
I share my tea with them!
I forgive them.

Sometimes we just straight up say it. The phrase "I love you" is overused so much that the phrase "the phrase 'I love you' is overused" is even overused. Sometimes we give gifts. On Valentine's Day, couples give chocolate, flowers, jewelry, etc. to each other. Parents sometimes give special gifts to their children (one year my parents gave me a guinea pig) and little kids pass out "valentines" with cute little sayings on them. I think that, minus the materialism, giving gifts is a good example of what love is about. It's not about receiving, but about giving. It's not about you, but about those you love.

This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his son as an atoning sacrifice for our sin.


The amazing thing about showing love isn't that we are able to give gifts (material or not) to those who love us, but that we are able to give gifts of love regardless of whether the person loves us back. This Valentine's Day, show love to someone who hasn't shown any love to you. After all, our unique ideas about love are what set us apart as Christians. Unconditional love is not easy to understand, but we have the perfect example to look to- Jesus Christ.

25 Day Challenge- Paul's Prison

Hey again all you blog readers. First off, I want to say thanks to everyone who had feedback regarding the issues addressed in my last blog. Even though I fought against a lot of your advice, it sunk in and has helped me gain a new perspective. Sometimes I could listen to all the best advice in the world and not hear any of it, you know? But I really do have an idea now, and in my opinion it's better than finishing out the semester at an all time low.

Last night I was thinking about the Apostle Paul, cuz he's kind of a role model of mine, and I thought about the story where he and Silas were thrown in prison for casting out a demon. It was pretty lame, the accusation was that they were "throwing [the] city into an uproar." Anyways, Paul and Silas didn't mope around or give up, they spent that whole first night while they were in jail praising the Lord. You know what happened? An earthquake shook the prison and broke the chains of every prisoner. Even then, when God had clearly offered a way out for his servants, Paul and Silas stayed put because they saw that the keeper of the prison was panicking and about to kill himself. They assured him that that no one was running (maybe they were too shocked to move) and the prison keeper immediately asked Paul and Silas what he could do to be saved. The next day, Roman guards came and after finding out that Paul and Silas were Roman citizens, the guards freed them and "requested" that they leave the city (which they did... eventually). That story is Acts 16 by the way.

We are all in some kind of prison. For me right now, it's school (I'm a little hesitant to compare school to a prison, cuz I understand that it's a huge blessing and opportunity, but the fact is- I don't wanna be there, but I have to be. So it's my prison). Still, I should be praising God in EVERY circumstance, and living after Jesus' example, no matter what injustice I am a victim to (another thing is to not allow yourself to be a victim- know that there's always good that can come out of bad situations). Thinking "WWJD?" showed me that I am definitely NOT being a reflection of Jesus at school. Romans 15:5 tells us "May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude of mind toward each other that Christ Jesus had" So, my attitude should reflect Jesus, my work ethic should reflect Jesus, my capability to endure injustice (or at least what I perceive as injustice) without complaint should match Jesus's. It's pretty clear in the epistles that we're supposed to endure hardships with willingness and gladness, because we have the hope of eternal joy and peace, more than we can imagine.

Now for the challenge part. I'm challenging myself with this, and I know it's not going to be easy (hence the word "challenge") but I think I can definitely learn something from it. I know a lot of high schoolers told me that they felt more or less the same as me regarding school, so if you're one of those people, you're welcome to take this challenge with me. Here's what it is:

For the duration of this semester (25 days), I will consider my purpose in attending school to be as follows:

-To share the love of Christ with EVERYONE

-To reflect the Spirit and peace of God by (1) focusing in class- meaning no doodling or writing things not related to the subject. (2) Obeying the rules- God says that leaders are given power for a reason, and we are to respect and obey them. I will obey all school rules, mainly the one about not using my phone during class. :P (3) Working hard- doing ALL of my homework and classwork. (4) Being polite- to teachers, students, and staff, NO MATTER WHAT.

-To encourage and pray for the students around me, and to give whenever I see need.

In addition to imitating Christ in school, I will do my best to imitate him outside of school. For the next 25 I'm going to do my best to not watch tv, most importantly during the week but on weekends too. Computer time is going to have to be cut down too. I'll limit facebook to 20 minutes a day, and... well yeah that's pretty much the only thing I spend significant time doing on the computer. I'm also going to try to avoid caffeine for the next 25 days, because caffeine makes it even harder for me to focus in school, and I suspect it often leads to me getting less sleep than I intend. Speaking of sleep, I'm going to aim to be in bed by 10 every night, ready to sleep (which means no more reading after that). On top of all that, to make sure this is really a growing experience for me and not just a month of torture, I'm going to spend at least a half hour each day reading and studying God's word.

So that's that. Wish me luck.

2 Timothy 1:7 "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love, and of self-discipline."

2 Timothy 2:4 "No one serving as a soldier gets involved in civilian affairs- he wants to please his commanding officer."

Ephesians 4:1-3 "As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have recieved. Be completely humble and gentle, be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the spirit through the bond of peace.

Philippians 4:22 "You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness."

Philippians 3:17 "Join with others in following my example, brothers, and take note of those who live according to the pattern we gave you."

"Do everything without complaining or arguing,

so that you may become blameless and pure,

children of God without fault

in a crooked and depraved generation,

in which you shine like stars in the universe"

Philippians 2:14-15

Hey everybody, what's up? (seriously, what's up? if anyone wants to talk to me about anything, or like, whatever... just email me!)

I just thought I'd fill you all in on what's going on with me and school lately. It's kinda been a hate-hate relationship this year, which is a bit unusual for me.

A while back, I decided to write down all the reasons that I hate school. I ended up writing like, 4 full pages of explanation. It was pretty intense. Basically, here's what I determined:

I am afraid of school. Because
a. I am exhausted whenever I'm at school, because I am sleep-deprived because of 1. waking up early 2. bad time management, causing me to have to stay up late to get work done 3. Even when I get all my work done early, I stay up late just so I can actually spend some quiet time doing things I like to do, like write.
b. The noise and rush of school. I hate being in a rush, I'm always scared of forgetting something or not being fast enough (aka late for class) and the noise just gives me headaches and bugs me.
c. The rules. Those scare me because I never know when I might break one and get in trouble and cause conflict. Conflict makes me want to crawl in a hole and cry, even when it's not about me. I don't even really know all my school's rules, and the ones I do know, I don't always follow. Probably cuz I dont respect the rule-makers.
d. I usually don't do my homework anymore, cuz I go home and I'm too stressed to focus. That means I'm always afraid of getting in trouble for not doing my assignments, basically.
e. I'm afraid of getting bad grades. I've never gotten anything but A's for semester grades, and I know that B's and even C's aren't that bad, but I'm afraid of not getting into the college I want to or not getting scholarships.
f. I'm afraid of being lied to. A few times, i've been discussing what I learned in school with adults and they've shown me that what I learned is wrong. I think that's pretty much the most terrible thing that could be happening in any school system. How are we supposed to know if we're being lied to? It's awful. Like, nightmare material for me.

Then, apart from all the school stuff, I'm afraid that people will think I'm lazy and a slacker and just making excuses why I don't wanna work. I really do want to work hard and learn, I just have no motivation to do my assignments. I dont even get it really.

Another little thing is that I feel like the majority of my teachers don't really care about me or my education, and the majority of the students obviously don't care about me cuz they don't even know me. My friends at school care about me but because of the stress and high demands of school, it's pretty much every man for himself. We don't have time to help each other out or just talk. (Teachers will tell us to do that on out own time. Do they realize that because of the homework they assign, we don't have time of our own at all?)

So that's most of it I think. I don't know if I'll be able to make it to finals at all, just cuz the thought of going back to school in two days makes me feel sick. I've considered homeschool before, and I guess I still am, but I don't really know anything about it so that's kinda scary too. PSEO next year is basically the plan, cuz then I'll get college credits done and be able to get away from high school. The only reason I haven't totally decided to do homeschool is because I'd miss my school friends a lot.

Sorry this wasn't very encouraging or informational, but now instead of explaining this multiple times I can just refer people to this post.


2 Timothy 1:7 "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love, and of self-discipline."